All The King's Horses

Julia A, of Brooklyn, NY writes:

I never remember my dreams but last night : when I woke up there was a full scale party already going on in my apt. I tried to quickly make my way to the shower in my pajamas with my hair standing on end .When I muscled my way into the bathroom ( my dream tub is clawfoot BTW and my dream bathroom is completely renovated and light and airy. ) there were several people congregating there. And I had to ask them to leave. Someone who looked distinctly like A cross between John Lithgow playing Winston Churchill and Humpty Dumpty was huddled pensively in my tub and I had to offer my hand to help him climb out , which he did very very cautiously trying not to fall ...

Go home, guys! The heterosexual soiree's over! Julia's ready for a spiritual - and sexual - cleanse, and that's not just regular, old bathwater. Calgon cannot always take you away. In Julia's dream, the most fragile part of herself is bathing in TRUTH, and emerging as if a brand, new baby, breaking free of the amniotic sack. 

Winston Churchill vaguely appears in this dream because, in life, Churchill said, "The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is." He was right. Ultimately, there is no escaping the truth, and Julia's truth is that she's gay. 

Coming out is a private, fragile business, but Julia is right there, being her own best friend and protector, and making sure the way out into the gay light of day doesn't cause any cracks or fractures. 

Taking the Dive

Meaddows Ryan, of New York, who made a generous donation to the Puerto Rican relief effort, writes:

God I love the Gay Agenda. I had a dream! That I remembered! Here it is:

After 13 years clean and sober, I was on a major bender involving drinking, cocaine, and Quaaludes. I was barhopping to all these different dive places on some shady-as-fuck waterfront, and trying to get more drugs. I was in the company of a real-life friend of mine who is in fact a lesbian, and enjoying the feeling of having her escort me around, especially since she was extremely well connected, so we got the celebrity treatment wherever we went.

At one point we stopped at a movie theater that was outdoors. They would strap you into something that was like an electric chair, but it was actually your movie theater seat, and then they would catapult you through the air and you would land in a square slot where you were locked down until the end of the movie. I don't remember what the film was but I know it was something really corny from the 80s.

Finally we got more drugs - for some reason it was imperative that I get two and only two more Quaaludes - and we ended up at this other waterfront bar that was run by women and they had about half the outdoor bar/restaurant space set up for homeless people. The homeless people each had a small table to define their space, and they kept their treasures on them and also their meals, cocktails, whatever. It was a beautiful idea and an act of kindness on the part of the restaurant owner. I remember thinking "I wish I had a table like that" and then I woke up.

First off, Meaddows, congratulations on your sobriety! I'm sure this achievement is no small feat. Addiction is a terrible thing - something which, as you well know, people have to work hard at controlling for their entire lives. Interesting, then, that your dream equates spending time bar-hopping in the company of a lesbian, with addiction. 

The "major bender" you describe is a metaphor for another type of indulgence, and it's no accident that this "bender" is all wrapped up around a lesbian friend whose company affords you a sort of VIP status. You're suddenly SOMEBODY. That bender? It's lesbian sex, and it's presented to you in this particular package - "involving drinking, cocaine, and Quaaludes" - not because it's a dangerous and destructive force in your life, but because you subconsciously find the idea of sex with women to be downright intoxicating.    

The imagery you describe in the movie theater is very telling. First off, the movie theater is outdoors. This detail is all about exposure: both your fear of being on display and vulnerable, and the potential joy of being exposed - being OUT. There's a duality there, and it's for you to ultimately decide which side will win out: the side that equates the experience of being "outside" with being exposed and "locked down," or the side that can actually kick back and enjoy the movie. Do you want a drive-in movie, or a dive-in movie? The choice is yours.

Your dream ends on what I consider a very positive note which hints at future self-acceptance. It involves "more drugs" - normally a terrible thing for an addict but, again, we're not talking about actual cocaine and booze, but about indulgence in good, old fashioned dyking out. The "homeless" people you describe are others who, like you, have spent a lifetime not really belonging anywhere. In the real world, self-loathing, closeted homosexuals truly ARE homeless: they don't belong in the world of straight people, and they rage against accepting that there might well be space at the queer table for them. They reject their true nature in an effort to belong and fit in (have a home, as it were) in the straight world and, ironically, end up having no place, at all where they belong/fit in. Homeless, indeed. 

But your dream is about the END of homelessness for these folks and, ultimately, for yourself. It ends up in a utopian setting, where the homeless actually get to "define their space," and where "each had a small table ..and they kept their treasures on them..." This is your subconscious telling you that there is, indeed, a space at the table for you, ALL of you, including the treasure of your true sexual identity. You don't need to throw that away or hide it in order to find a place where you fit in. In fact, you need to embrace it and carry it with you, always, because you're emotionally and sexually HOMELESS without it. And, deep down, you know this about yourself. It's why you say "I wish I had a table like that." You're ready for dinner, and there's a seat waiting for you at the Sapphic table - the table where all your treasures are more than welcome.

You're at a crossroads, Meaddows, and I have one piece of wisdom for you: the alternative to being 'strapped into something like an electric chair,' is being strapped ON to something that's a lot more fun, and nowhere near as dangerous as drugs and alcohol. Cheers, queers!

Off With Its Head!

Tawny Segrestein, of Brooklyn, New York writes:

"I had a dream a bedbug bit me but it was big and long. I killed it and cut its head off. I had it in a piece of paper and looked up what it was in hopes it might not be one. When I threw it in the toilet another huge bedbug came off the paper to eat the dead one. Then a black snake came out of the toilet to eat them both.

Now I don't want to go in the bathroom."

Tawny, the bed bugs in your dream represent penises. Big and long and, really, just such a nuisance! At least that's true if you're a lesbian, which you obviously are. They creep up on you and, like bed bugs, invade your life and your living space. They suck the life out of you just as surely as bed bugs suck the blood from under your skin. Getting rid of bed bugs can be a big job. Getting rid of unwanted penis is no small order, either. 

Your dream is about how trapped and cornered you feel about living in a heterosexual patriarchy...just the way thousands of Brooklynites are trapped in bed-bug-infested apartments, with little or no recourse. Your killing of the first bed bug (cutting off its head, no less!) is your subconscious mind expressing your desire to cut sexual attention from males right off, at the source. 

The fact that there always seem to be more bed bugs in your dream scenario, and that they feast on one another is telling: you're not just dreaming about penises, you're dreaming about cannibalistic penises. Your deep-seated anger at all things male has manifested itself in the form of a dream in which you say, in effect, "Go fuck yourself" to everyone with XY chromosomes. 

You are one angry lesbian.

Karen Silkwood Was Murdered

Kristine Phoenix Artinian writes:

I was staying at a friend's house and I was running late for work. It was a GIANT house and I needed to shower, and I started it but then I went to lock the bathroom door. There wasn't just one door, but several because the bathroom was actually an insanely long corridor with the shower stall at one end. By the time I locked all the doors to the end and got back, my friend had turned off the shower and taken over that end of the bathroom. I hiked back to the other end, thinking I had seen a shower at that end as well, but when I got back down there I saw it was a lavish outdoor pool with lots and lots of people in and around it. All this took place while I was wrapped in a towel. At this point I was so late I just decided to go to work dirty. 

Kristine, the fact that your dream self is running late is an indication that you feel, in the grand scheme of things, you're running out of time. We're mortal beings, my friend, and time is finite. Like many people who reach middle age, you're at a crossroads, and this dream is presenting you with certain options that lay ahead of you: the one you choose will be pivotal in how the rest of your life plays out.

You've dreamt about about shame, self-loathing, and the multiple layers of protection you've built up to hide from the inescapable truth about yourself.  The GIANT house in your dream represents your psyche - so vast and complicated, cavernous, really. An easy place in which to get lost....especially when one harbors a GIANT secret and GIANT shame. In the dream, you find yourself in this big house, and feel you need a shower. This is because in your waking hours, when you look too deeply into yourself, you feel unclean. What you keep hidden away behind closed, psychic doors is that which you feel is filthy and unseemly, and you wish you could wash it away. The long bathroom you describe is the length of time you've already lived: your life to-date. It's been a long road getting to where you are today, and there are multiple locks and doors at the end that long span of time from that which you find unclean: your true sexual preference, which is that of a gay woman. Just as you've spent years (and lots of energy) locking the world away from your inner lesbian, your dream self takes the long walk to lock the multiple doors behind you. The good news is, this is ultimately a dream about you confronting this crossroads with friends-of-Dorothy on hand to lead you to the promised land. Whereas you've spent a lifetime locked away from the world, what you're clearly ready to do at this stage in life is shut the door on what's behind you and take not a Karen Silkwood shower to wash away the gay, but to enjoy a dip in a luxurious pool of Sapphic delights. You're ready to take the full muff dive, Kristine. Your nudity, except for a towel, illustrates how exposed you suddenly feel, now that you've subconsciously decided to embrace your inner lesbian. Be brave and go out into the world dirty, Gay Girl. If Meryl Streep had just hit it with Cher, like she should have, Silkwood would have been a completely different movie.

Truly, Madly, Deeply

Cappy Sue writes:

I was in a house with all kinds of people - some I knew and some I did not. We knew someone was killing people so, when we figured out who it was, we bashed him on the head. It was a guy who looked a lot like Alan Rickman. I am not sure if it was supposed to be him or not. But that was what was running through my head while I crammed his injured body into a giant microwave.

He was beating on the door to get out but in a effort to stop him I went ahead and cooked him. It was gross and he melted and bubbled something like gremlins being born. He then turned into a little girl in a floral dress that had no sleeves. 

When I was done cooking him I wrapped the remains up in a fleece blanket and took it outside and saw a park across the way. I sat it on the park bench and bought a balloon from one of those strolling vendors. No one seemed concerned I was carting around this melted glob of an Alan Rickman girl. I put the little balloon in the thing's hand and sat there for a few moments. Then I got up and went to buy a hot dog.
End of the dream. 

Cappy, this dream is telling you, via Alan Rickman, that relationships with men are truly, madly, deeply killing you, and that it's time for you to take serious action. Like Rickman's character in this charming movie, societal-imposed heterosexuality has moved from being a comfort, to being the ultimate guest-who's-overstayed-his-welcome. You do your best to get rid of Alan (who represents the hoards of men you've bedded down in an effort to prove your heterosexuality) but he's a stubborn bastard, and makes all kinds of noise, forcing you to take drastic measures. While it may seem as if you're torturing Rickman by turning on the microwave oven, what you're really doing is purging yourself of one reality and embracing another. An oven doubles as an incubator, and this dream is telling you that, only by killing the falsehood of heterosexuality will you ever be able to truly nurture your true nature: that of a woman who loves women.  The little girl Rickman turns into? That's you, sister, in all your babydyke glory, wearing signs of Spring and rebirth.

The end of your dream may seem odd and disturbing, but it's actually very positive. You obviously have some deep-seated fear about what kind of reception you'll get from the world if you finally embrace your queerdom. The fact that you're sitting on a park bench with Melted Alan Rickman and no one seems to give a damn? That's your subconscious telling you that, more and more, being gay is seen as no big deal. Don't worry what people will think. What about the hot dog, you ask? If you're afraid you'll miss that part of hetero sex, have no fear: lesbians can buy those things these days, and often do. 

Yup. Gay. 

What A Long, Strange Trip It's Been

Amber S. of NYC writes:

I had a very long dream that seemed mostly that I had pack up and arrange other people's travel and luggage. Most of the dream involved organizing and finding items that needed to go in two very small bags for me and my traveling companion friend. But it turned out we also needed to transport other people's pets. And this included what seemed like a flock of doves and pigeons, which could be in a big cage with each other, and also another animal in it's own cage which I'm not sure was a rabbit or civet or something.

Virtually the entire dream involved mishaps with not being able to find things or rustle animals into containers. Although once it seemed like I was on a first class flight in what seemed like a movie theater and the bird cages were hanging from the ceiling, that seems like it was the trip "there" wherever there was because the whole setting was NYC. However the whole thing was not my trip, it seemed like it was my job or something. Most of the dream was trying to get ready for the trip "back" and this was why it was frustrating trying to find all my items and being burdened with all these exotic pets that weren't even mine. Eventually I was at my father and his family's house and that's where a lot of the luggage and birds were. Finally we have a short time left and the car is waiting and my dad is just really angry that we are late. I keep saying "these are not even my animals, this is not my fault" and I start imagining that maybe we will miss the flight and have more time to find everything for the next flight. I woke up as we were driving to the airport though my dad was not there.

Amber, this blog was started after I interpreted two of your dreams that fairly screamed, "Let me out of this prison of heterosexuality!!!"Yet, here you are, still living the life of a modern day Mary Tyler Moore - a happening straight girl, living on her own, tossing up her hat to a winter breeze, and waiting for Prince Charming to come along. Did you watch MTM as a kid? Prince Charming never came. And let's get one thing clear: Rhoda was ALWAYS the more interesting woman, anyhow. That caged bird isn't someone's pet, it's you, baby girl.

Your dream is all about the excess baggage you've been forced, by society, to carry around. And it's not even YOUR baggage! Why are you carrying around - and worrying about - other people's baggage? You talk about not knowing where you're headed, and it not even being your trip. Doesn't this tell you something?

Sometimes, you have to make a deliberate decision to set your own itinerary, and do things your own way, even if people think it's nutty. So, go ahead and miss that flight: there's always another.  Better yet, choose another way to travel, entirely. While others like a plane, you might be better off taking Amtrak. Trust me: the scenery is better and the seats are roomier.

Taking everyone else's trip, and carrying other people's stuff around hasn't served you well.  If you and your nameless/faceless travel companion are ever going to get anywhere, you need to ditch all the stuff that other people think is important, fill an Eddie Bauer backpack with some chinos, a flannel shirt or two, and an extra pair of Keen walking shoes, and be on your way. Even the TSA doesn't like it when you let someone else fiddle with your luggage. You're a lesbian, Amber, and PACKING is one thing lesbians do better than anyone else.

Greek To Me

Keara G. writes:

I'm with my family, and we are floating on a raft in the middle of the ocean. It's nighttime. I look up and the evening sky is AMAZING like I've never seen before in my life. Every constellation is before me at one time, made up of thousands of sparkling stars. Orion! Scorpio! Taurus! The Seven Sisters! Aquarius! Cassiopeia! Pegasus! Wait a second! Pegasus doesn't have a horn! A gleaming horn! That's not a horse! That's a UNICORN! Holy shit! I look around shouting for everyone to look! Look! But I'm alone. I need to get back but can't see shoreline, so I look for the North Star, find it, and swim in the opposite direction. I swim and swim and then finally see the shore. I head for it but have to swim through some serious muck and mire to get there. I feel the ground under my feet and crawl out of the ocean, dirty and covered with mud. I look up, and gaze with wonder at the stars above.

This dream is about the those parts of life that we share collectively with others, as opposed to those parts which are very personal, and about wanting to be like everyone else when, in fact you're not.

You're on an open sea with your family, experiencing the ocean and the night sky. This represents your belief system - and even your hope - that you see things just the way other people do, and experience them in the same way.  But, of course, you DO see things differently. In your mind's eye, the constellation of Pegasus isn't a winged horse, at all, but a unicorn. I'm sure you know that Medieval legend dictates a unicorn (a mythological creature, itself) can only be hunted and captured by a virgin - someone pure of body and mind. Yet, here you are, a married mom who has spotted the elusive creature. What does it mean? It means that you know, in your heart of hearts, that you're really a virgin where it counts, because you have never given in to your true desire: sex with women. 

It's no accident your dream takes place at sea: in life, you have no desire to rock the proverbial boat. What you find, though, is that you're not on a sea-worthy ship, but a raft. Who is ever on a raft on the expansive ocean, but someone who is lost at sea? Your dream is screaming at you that your life as a heterosexual is a virtual Andrea Doria, and that you've reached a point where it's sink or swim.  In other words, this shit is killing you, girl. Luckily, your innate desire to survive, and even to thrive, reminds you that there's a little Diana Nyad inside of all of us, when need be. It's not an easy journey, and finding your way in the dark, murky waters of coming out may seem insurmountable, but the stars are there to guide you. And look at your dream: you not only reach the dry land of Lesbos, but you discover the stars are still there for you to gaze up at and admire.

Swim for your life, girl....your big, old lesbian life. There's dry land once you get there. In fact, there's wall-to-wall carpeting.  And don't be too hard on yourself for taking this long to find out you're actually gay: have you ever really looked at those constellations? They're just crazy, random stars that some Ancient Greek who'd hit the Ouzo pipe once too often decided to assign names and characters to, without real rhyme or reason. Just the way the world decided you were a straight chick, without ever asking you if this was so.  Making heads or tales of that crap ain't easy.

Yeah, but he's my FIRST cousin

Stella Folk sent the following via email:

I've been having recurring dreams in which I forget that I have a boyfriend and date other men. Twice these other men have been my own cousins. When I remember that I'm already with someone, I feel incredibly guilty and decide I need to break up with the extra guy. Except when it's a cousin, then I just realize that's not done and get squicked out. What do these dreams mean?

You're reached a point in your relationship with a man where you've realized, subconsciously, that you're not getting what you actually want. You dream about having a lapse of memory and ending up being intimate with others and, not just random others, but your own cousins. While your cousins are male, what they represent is a taboo. In most Western countries, romantic/sexual relations between cousins is frowned upon. We don't have sex with our brothers or cousins, because it's incest: they're our kin. They're our own kind. This is the same taboo that exists around same-sex relationships: some people think a woman shouldn't be intimate with other women because there's this idea that human beings should not fall in love with or have sex with or even be attracted to their own gender, or their own kind.

In your dream, it's convenient that you forget your boyfriend : this allows you to pursue relationships that appeal to you. Your cousins represent women - either specific women or women in general (that's for you to determine) and this dream is about the fact that you feel a sense of loyalty and obligation to your current boyfriend, even though what you'd really like to pursue is intimacy with your own kind: women. That you're "squicked out" by the idea of intimacy with your male cousins is representational of the fact that, while you're clearly attracted to women, there's still a part of you that thinks lezzing out is icky. A lot of people take a while to get over the icky factor. Social taboos can be very difficult to move past, but it's worth the effort. Believe me - lesbians don't have cooties. And get used to it, because you are one.

Tastes Just Like Chicken

Kristine P.A., of Los Angeles, CA. writes:

I dreamed I was at work - not my work, but some weird place that became a sushi restaurant. Ellen DeGeneres was there eating. She was super, super slouchy in her seat and her eyes were closed. I thought she had left, didn't see her, and reached right over her to clear her place. I grabbed something half eaten, I couldn't tell if it was tuna or chicken, and right then noticed she was still there. I started to apologize profusely and she just looked at me with her eyes half closed and wouldn't really say anything to me. She didn't really sit up properly either.  In RL, I've been told a few times that I sound like her. She didn't seem to notice. I thought "there goes any chances of being her voice double."

This is about your hidden desire to taste forbidden fruit. Your dream starts out supposedly at your work place, but it's not REALLY your workplace - a feeling we're all familiar with, when it comes to dreaming. The language you use to describe it is important: you describe the setting as a "weird place that became a sushi restaurant." In your dream state, you're in a place that you think is yours, but which is actually odd and foreign to you: new territory. A sushi restaurant. Need I say more? Your subconscious is fairly screaming "I WANT VAGINA BUT I'M NOT GETTING ANY!!!"

You say that you've been told you sound like Ellen Degeneres. Having spoken to you, I can confirm this. You write, also, about being her voice double. Your subconscious mind is presenting Ellen Degeneres, America's Lesbian Sweetheart, as your alternate identity. The theory of parallel universes describes how alternate realities exist. Anyone who's watched Star Trek can tell you that our alt universe doppelgangers are, in many ways, our polar opposites. But what happens when a person meets her own alt universe lesbian double and decides she'd like to trade lives? 

In your dream, you're not too proud to pick at Ellen Degeneres' leftovers. Eating a lesbian's leftover sushi? Does that even need an interpretation? Although you identify as a heterosexual woman, you're drawn to the ultimate Celesbian and you want the life that she has.

For her part, Dream Ellen is indifferent, bored, even sleepy around you. She doesn't even bother to sit up properly in your presence.  She doesn't see you in any way as a threat, and her very attitude makes you doubt yourself further.

This dream illustrates your burning desire to have sex with women,  the mountain of self-doubt that keeps you from actually lezzing out, and your fear that you've missed the boat.  My advice: don't try to bang Portia de Rossi and I don't think Ellen Degeneres will give you much trouble.

Baby, It's Cold Out There

Cappy Sue, of America's Heartland, writes:


Hey Lana, here is how the dream went.


We had all gathered at a reunion of high school people but there was another celebration going on of people who all worked for the same company. The place was a ski resort so everything was happening in the snow.


Your dream is long and complicated, so I will interpret different elements of it, one at a time. That it takes place in the winter, at a ski resort, carries two meanings. The first is that you're visiting a cold, desolate part of your psyche, one which has been in hibernation, so to speak. Also, snow is pure and clean - especially at a ski resort, where fresh snow falls every night. This is you visiting a part of yourself that has been uninvited, before, and lay dormant, until now: your latent homosexuality.


There was a horrible scream and when we ran out to see what was happening there was blood all over the snow and a man was lying there with his face mostly lobbed off. He was near dead barely, moving. His face though was still animated and rubbery trying to move and talk on the ground.

This part of your dream is about trauma - the trauma of your awakening to your surroundings. The blood this man has shed covers the once-pure snow: this is your subconscious telling you that this pure, untouched part of your psyche is no longer untouched. you're visiting it in your dream and, what has been seen, cannot be unseen. This may seem scary, but it's ultimately a good thing. Seeing for the first time is hard - it may even hurt - but it means you're not blind to your true self, anymore. While you see this man as being nearly dead, the fact is, he's just coming alive. Wake up, Cappy: you're a lesbian, and there's no turning back.


I had a little girl with me and she was mine which is weird in real life I have no kids. She was three I never saw her face but she slept across my shoulder the entire time and she was sick. A doctor tried to help but said we would just have to wait for it to pass because it was the flu.

You think of yourself as childless but the fact is, your inner child is with you always, and this dream is all about that inner child. The child you carry with you always? She's just another manifestation of the man who has come to life in the snow. This section of the dream if where you're trying to address what you see about your real self as being unhealthy. Your inner child is a Babydyke, and there's not a damned thing wrong with that. Get over it!


The first time when the guy got mutilated he had been kind of sketchy and the theory being floated around was it was done by a jealous romantic interest. Then two more bodies showed up one girl was still alive but never saw her attacker. She was missing her nose and most of her mouth. The other was a woman who was missing her face from the eyeballs up and most of her hair. Her eye balls were looking around on the ground at us.

The mutilated guy, who we've already established represents your latent lesbian tendencies, has been hurt by a woman he loved, but it was an unhealthy love. This is so gay, it's not funny. You've clearly been crossed by a woman. In fact, this portion of your dreams reveals that the object of your affection has left behind a whole string of unhealthy relationships with women: and this haunts you. It happens. It doesn't mean you have to spend your whole life pretending you love men! Why are these bodies missing crucial parts of their faces? Because you know, deep, down inside, that until you admit you're gay, you're incomplete.


A few more got hit and one was a boy. What made us suspect him was that his parts were not moving when cut off. When we checked him we found the knife that matched with those kinds of cuts covered in blood in his coat pocket. He then admitted he had sliced the side of his own face off as well to avoid detection. A couple of the people who had loss loved ones to his stuff started beating him but we ended up putting him in a cabin that I think was for storage as it had barred windows and stuff I guess to keep bears out.

You've attributed all sorts of problems in your life to your inherent homosexuality, and decided to lock this part of yourself away. But is it really for safe keeping (storage) or as punishment? It seems clear to me that this locking up is punitive: you're punishing yourself by not being the lesbian we both know you to be.


The place got hit with more snow so we all battened down the hatches and stayed in the inn for a couple of days. It was horrible seeing the infections starting and what not on the faces of the couple of the people who were still alive. Then I saw a person I knew and she was humming a song and holding her face. It seemed he had started to cut her but then heard the song and stopped and she had just now stopped cowering and come out of the room she had been in for the past two days.

More snow means you're clearly afraid that you're heading on path that means only more desolation and isolation. And this is not healthy. Infections grow and fester unless we treat them. The more you cover up an infected wound, the more opportunities bacteria have to thrive. This part of your dream points directly to your desire to stop this suppression of your sexuality and "come out of the room" you've been hiding in for so long. Come play with us, Cappy Sue, forever and ever!


This is when his mother said she wanted to put him down as there was no hope he would ever be anything but a vicious killer. Arguments started on both sides but in general they all said no we wait for the cops. Well I disagreed and agreed to help her.

I don't think the mother in this dream represents your real mother. It is more of an inner, evil, self-loathing voice with which you're involved in an ongoing dialogue. You're second-guessing yourself, convincing yourself that being gay is wrong and that this part of yourself should be "put down." Don't do it, Cappy! Fly your freak flag with pride!



I left my little girl sitting with my friend coloring while we went out to kill this woman's son. She climbed up on the roof of the cabin he was in. I went to the front and started laughing as loud and obnoxious as I could muster through the window pressing my face to it and just enraging him. He had said when we locked him up that he did not like the way the faces looked when the laughed and that was why he cut them up. Any how then I worked off a few bars and broke the glass really freaking him out and getting him into a frenzy. The idea he would get so enraged he would just come right at me making it easier to kill him. I broke the chain off the door and ran back a few feet and he came out just as planned. His mother jumped off the roof onto him grabbed his head and pulled it back and I slit his throat. I woke up just when I felt his blood hit my face.

This is a terrifying ending to a dream, because it's all about you abandoning your inner, lesbian child, and taking steps to kill your true self. And it's a bloody murder, indeed! But, here's the thing, Cappy: while you may have cut this fellow's throat, you've also broken through the bars of his prison. He's free! And you know who he is: your lesbian alter-ego. This carpet-munching cat is out of the bag, and there's no turning back.


Not only are you a lesbian, but this dream is really crazy. Crazy lesbians do really, really well out there, so you'll be fine. In fact, supposedly sane lesbians will fight tooth and nail to date a woman as nutty as you are. You'll probably end up being the next Ellen Degeneres.

Does this come in a size 5?

Melissa B., currently of Middle America, writes:

Dear Gay Agenda,

I have a recurring theme in many of my dreams: I need a new outfit and there is a store I want to go to to buy it, but I can't access the store. I can't remember how to get there or it is closed or there is some other thing impeding my desire to shop. This store has super cute clothes and good prices. what does this mean?

As the saying goes, "clothes make the man." In this case, clothes make the woman. What we wear on the outside is often a window into what we are on the inside. Your dream is about your desire to dress up in a way that you find most pleasing, and which suits you in every way. You're tired of the old suit of clothes you've been wearing and you "need a new outfit." You can only do this by shopping at the right store - the one with the cute clothes and the good prices. This dream is about your subconscious need to do away with the tired, old suit of heterosexuality you've been wearing for so long: it's old and tattered and, let's be honest, it makes your ass look huge! You're ready for an outfit that reflects who your are and accentuates your lesbian attributes. Every time you try to get to the right store - the magical Sapphic shop, if you will - something gets in your way. What is this something, Melissa? I suspect it's the false persona you've created for the world - the persona of a "normal," heterosexual woman. That's not a clever ensemble, girl - it's a straitjacket, with a chastity belt built right in. You're a lesbian: start dressing like one.

Emotional Baggage Check

Gina L. of Boston, MA. writes:

I have this dream, or variations of it quite often. I'm in an airport, usually O'Hare, and something has gone wrong with my ticket. I repeatedly try to call home but can't dial the number properly, nor can I get an operator's assistant. I storm off to the news stand and buy a bunch of magazines. The titles vary, but there's one constant: The New Republic. What does this mean?

An airport is a place we find ourselves when we are headed somewhere. Your dream places you at an airport to illustrate that you are trying to move forward - but you're immobilized, because "something has gone wrong with your ticket." This is your subconscious telling you that the path you've always believed has been right for you is, in fact, very WRONG for you. Your attempted - and failed - efforts to call home for assistance represent your efforts to rely on the tried and true. In this case, the tried and true would be heterosexual relationships with men, which you can no longer access because you can't seem to dial the number properly due to an inability to work the phone: you don't even know what to do with the telephone, just as you don't really know what to do with male genitalia.  You're even unable to get an operator's assistance. This represents your many efforts to find the right man to make things work, and your failure in these efforts. Your second and final course of action is getting a bunch of magazines, which represents your efforts to intellectualize your sexual identity dilemna, but being a lesbian is nothing you can read your way out of, Gina.  Deep down, you know this to be true, which is why the one constant in this recurring dream is The New Republic. You thought it referred to the magazine, didn't you? It's actually a reference to Star Wars and the triumph of good (Lesbian) over evil (Breeder.)

You're a lesbian. Why else would you dream about being at an airport named after Butch O'Hare?

Super Friends

Jim C. of Edmonton,  a gay man from Canada writes:

Ok, epic dream. Literally. Looking back, it was a combination of Lost, Once Upon a Time, X-Men, Game of Thrones, and Cloud Atlas. I am more a watcher than a participant. A group of young friends are living in rundown houses in the woods. Something than I don't remember happens, and one by one that start to get special powers. Some of them are are of the changes, some are not. There is a sense that some of them are becoming evil. The world changes around them, into a mythical land. There are remnants of ancient structures around them. I realize that if they touch these structures, changes will happen. Some may die, some may become good in the future, some will become bad, some will receive powers that will unveil themselves in the future. A friend that I know IRL stumbles off the path and his back hits the wall of a structure. Another friend that I know helps him to his feet, touching him while the first friend is still touching the wall. I know that they will both receive powers, but the helpful friend's won't be as strong since he didn't touch the structure directly. We are back in one of the houses. One person has received the power to influence objects, but doesn't realize it yet. He comes into the room with the others, saying that he's won the lottery. The house has changed to an opulent old house. No one is aware that the house has changed. As far as they are aware, they have always lived together in the house. They are all rich now. I hear a news report on the radio about the lottery win, because the winning number contained letters as well as numbers, like a code. No else seems to have heard the radio. Things start to change in the house, a little at a time. There is a special delivery. It is boxes and boxes of different volumes of The Game of Thrones, each one telling different aspects of the stories from different characters perspectives. The boxes are dumped open. Each book is a specific different volume, and friends grab individual book. I grab one, and realize that it tells the story as I am seeing it in my dream. The friends have some 'normal' people in for a dinner party. I realize that this is a bad thing, that these people are in danger for their lives. The friends are still not aware that they have been altered, and that their actions are now reflecting their evil intent. The normal people are mingling at the party. Objects in the room from the mythical land appear. Tables, chairs, bottles, etc. outside on the patio, there are now scattered chairs and tables, as well as a throne in the corner. I know that if anyone sits in the chair, they will be killed. My real life friend is joking around the throne and starts to sit in it. Instead of dying, he is propelled from the chair. Inside the house, I sit on a couch with two of the friends. An Irish Setter-like dog sits next to me on the couch. This dog has a connection to the ancient world, and can speak, but no one else realizes this yet. It speaks, but it appears that only I can understand it. It says nothing of any real importance. Then, while everyone is out of the room, some of the normal people think they'll help out my tidying things up. One of them takes the magical bottles and cleans the dirt off of them so they sparkle like new. I know that this is bad, because this is the dirt of ancient world and is the only connection to the ancient land that they have. The friends are enraged. I also see that a silver spoon has been thrown away accidentally. One of the friends is frantically looking for it. I realize, but she does not, that the spoon is required for her powers to reach their full effect. When she tears through the garbage can, I see the spoon fall out behind some furniture, but no one else sees it. Suddenly, the surroundings have changed to a very modern luxury condo. Again, no one else is aware of the change. As far as they are concerned, they have always lived here. Slowing, a few at a time, flying buildings start to go past the windows in the the condo. More and more of them appear, displaying advertising on their exterior walls until the view is filled with these advertising-covered flying buildings. A different real life friend turns to me and says that there's too much advertising these days. Suddenly, we are outside on the street, which is a series of stairs, ramps and bridges. Up from one of the stairs comes careening an orange car. It is driven by my friend who was thrown from the throne. He has gone mad. He drives through the crowd. I see that he has hit a pedestrian, and his right leg had been severed cleanly above the knee. He holds up his stump at an angle, in pain. I see the blood spurt out across the street, where it hits the top of some bridge supports. When it touches them, the supports start to melt and the bridge collapses, like it was made of rubber. There is a huge pile of debris. One of the female 'super friends' leans on the debris, and the roadway is magically flattened. The supporting archway on one side remains standing. Her boyfriend tells her that she should go tell the mayor. She smiles knowingly at him, turns, and starts walking away along the beam of the archway. It flattens out as she walks along it. Her boyfriend thinks that the beam must be made of some kind of soft material now, and tries to pull out a rivet. He is unable to, of course. I watch her walk away on the beam, an see it flattening ahead of her in a spray of sparks and fire. The theme from Lawrence of Arabia is heard. Interpret away, Lana. And yes, Lena Headey was one of the super friends. A baddie.

First of all, I love that Lena Headey made an appearance in your dream. She is welcome to inhabit my dreams on any night of the week.

This dream is about a number of ideas; the sheer power of sexuality and sexual identity is chief among them. Just as some of your friends have no idea that they have or will gain super powers, or that small, seemingly insignificant things (such as a spoon) are connected to having power, your subconscious mind is telling you that a person's very identity is not just something he lives with, but a form of power.  Your friend who sits on the throne (he's a real QUEEN, that guy) isn't killed, as you expect, but thrust up and forward with a burst of energy by the throne, itself. This friend eventually goes "mad." In casual English, we use the word "mad" when what we mean in "angry." This friend and his "madness' actually represent your anger at the fact that an ever-changing world still feels threatened by your homosexuality, which is actually your source of power. 

The magical bottles that make people sparkle like new actually wash away all remnants of where they came from and where they've been. This is seen as a negative thing in the dream. It represents your resentment at the efforts some homosexuals make to fit in in a predominantly heterosexual world.  In your mind, Jim, too much effort has been made to sanitize homosexuality and make it more palatable to the masses, instead of the masses making the move to accept that there's great value in diversity in how people identify, sexually. It may have looked like dirt and soot that was washed off of your friends, but it was actually the stuff of who they really are: and they don't want to be magically clean and homogenous, because they embrace their histories and the things that make them different from others. 

Your friend complaining about how there's so much advertising is a reference to how homosexuality has become something that is used as a gimmick - on tv shows, in the press, in music videos and pop songs, etc. It's a watering down and cheapening of something you hold sacred; your sexual identity...the way advertisements water down and cheapen the idea of family love to sell greeting cards or lemonade. 

The stairs and ramps represent all the obstacles that you, as a homosexual, see before you every day, in a world where you're the "other." It's one of your friends, though, who manages to overcome these obstacles and 'flatten them out" - because she has acquired super powers. Again, her super power is really not a super power, at all, but the fact that she's embraced her true self. It's only when she walks away from her boyfriend (with a knowing smile) and towards something else. Because she's a lesbian. The boyfriend's pathetic efforts to pull out a rivet from the road, because he assumes it's pliable points to the fact that, no matter how hard he tries, he can't change something that is set in stone and NOT PLIABLE:  the woman he's in love with is actually a lesbian. 

This dream is very complicated and covers a lot of ground, mostly about your feeling about how the world views you and homosexuals, in general. Also, you should tell your real life friend that she's a lesbian. She and her boyfriend really have a right to know. 

Oh, and Lena Headey is in your dream because - as much as I love her - she's a perfect example of Hollywood trying to make homosexuality more palatable to a heterosexual audience by casting a very beautiful, femme, heterosexual actress in big screen girl-on-girl movies.  That's why she's a baddie in the dream.

I think the Lawrence of Arabia soundtrack is just incidental, and every gay man knows that Peter O'Toole was beautiful in that role.

More Than Meets The Eye

Elizabeth M., of Chicago Illinois writes:

Okay, last night I dreamed my boyfriend was an Autobot and I was cool with it, because humanity needed a robot-human hybrid. 

In your dream, your partner - a male - is a character from Transformers. Transformers, of course, change from one thing to another: a robot, turns into a car. This signifies your subconcious knowledge of your real-life boyfriend's desire to be something completely different from what he is, now. In your dream, you're "cool with it" because you see your odd coupling as achieving something the world needs.

This dream is revealing about both you and your boyfriend. He's clearly been giving out subliminal messages to you during your waking hours - and his message becomes loud and clear to you only in your dream state. That message is simple: he's a woman trapped in a man's body, and he's ready to change.  Your boyfriend is transgender.

You're not only ready to accept it but you see the whole business of your boyfriend switching genders as the best thing that could happen for everyone. Because you're a lesbian.

DUH

Mae P. of Atlantic City, NJ writes:

I was sleeping with my old creepy boss (a male) and while grossed out, I was still doing it. Interpretation?

Does this dream even need interpretation? It's a dream about how you continue to have sex with men, even though the entire process is repugnant to you. Because you'd rather have sex with women. Because you're really a lesbian.

Kids and Cocktails

Amber S.,  photographer from  NYC writes:

First dream: I dreamt I was taking a bunch of 18 year old kids I knew when they were like babies on a picnic and we debated whether they were old enough to have cocktails. We did, in the end, decide to have small gin cocktails. The picnic was in the abandoned house of an ex of mine.

Results:

The fact that you've dreamt about people in their infantile state signifies your desire to get back in touch with yourself in your purest form: not the person you've grown to become, but the person your were BORN to be. 

The debate about cocktails is also telling - it's you arguing with your inner child about whether or not you are ready to move forward and take that inner child into adulthood - a move from breast milk to hard liquor, if you will. 

You don't want to leave your baby self - your pure self - behind, because you know that's the real Amber and you're weighing up how to reconcile that with being an adult from whom the world has certain expectations. 

The entire event takes place in the home of an ex-lover so, again - this refers to you compartmentalizing your life (the baby Amber lives in this space, adult Amber lives in this space, this is the space I reserve for things having to do with romantic relationships...) and to your desire to stop doing this and live your life as more of a whole person, with all these parts of you integrated into daily living. Obviously, that it's the house of an ex lover also refers to The House Where Desire Lives. You're dreaming about being in your purest and most real state, in a house associated with sexuality and desire, and you're getting ready to drink gin. 

Did you know gin is made from the juniper berry, which is the female part of the juniper tree? 

This is a dream about your desire to finally face the fact that you're a lesbian. 

Second Dream:  I dreamed I tried to sell as scrap metal an item to gather up some cash and was bringing something that my mom (who made jewelry) made to these guys who had a scrapping stand that was really like the hotdog cart. This item that was really too big to be jewelry and it was like the size of a bookend and I knew it was silver and some other metal. They were trying to scam me and tell me that it wasn't silver and they're making up these strange names of metals which I kept writing down with a Chinese marker on a piece of butcher paper. I tried to take my thing back because they only wanted to give me nine dollars. 

That you're dealing with a material object passed down from your mother tells me that your dream is clearly about something you believe has great value...not monetary value, but something really close to your heart that you would never really want to get rid of. Also something connected to female energy, and who is the first female any girl feels an affinity for? Her mother. 

This important object - it's big, too big to be jewelry...in other words, it's not just ornamental. It has significance beyond what people see of it. TOO BIG TO IGNORE. It represents your sexuality. 

This dream and its components are you telling yourself that the fact you're clearly a lesbian can't just be shoved into your pocket and forgotten - it's big and you can't help seeing it and feeling it. Like a pair of bookends, it defines a space - a space inside of your soul! 

It's also precious - if its coming to you in the form of a gift from your mother isn't enough to show that, you've even given it the distinction of being made of precious metals, including silver, which is an important component in photography - something that I know is close to your heart. 

In your dream, you consider selling the object that represents your sexual identity, but are offered very little for it, and you know that you've allowed yourself to be shortchanged - by men in a HOT DOG CART, no less -  so you're trying to "take your thing back." Men have shortchanged you, and your true sexual leanings are obviously towards other women. You're a lesbian.