Gina T. of NJ writes:
So, last night I had a very brief sex
dream. I was in a very gaudy hotel room with an old high school friend
of mine. We never dated or anything. I didn't like him like that.
But anyway, it was one of those moments of nothing said but understood
we were gonna do it. He was in bed already, and I went to turn the
light off. By the time I got into bed with him, he was ready to go and
all over me. I said something along the lines of "can't we work up to
it a little?" And his response was something along the lines of "well,
you'll have to keep me excited then." When I finally gave him the okay,
it was intense but brief. Like BRIEF. Then, I woke up. LOL And the
weirdest thing was I could actually smell him in my dream. Not that he
had bad odor, but he had a smell like everyone does. And I remember
his. And I could smell it so vividly. So very odd.
Gina, your dream is about you grappling with the myth that lesbians are frigid man-haters, and trying to reconcile your true sexual orientation with
the genuine affection you feel towards males. You find yourself about to
have intercourse with a man who you know in real life, and care about
as a friend, but who you've never dated or had sexual feelings for. In
the dream, he's very much into the idea of banging away, but you require
coaxing because this is not where you're inclined to take this
relationship. There's nothing odd or unusual about someone agreeing to
have sex with their partner when they're less than eager at that moment
in time. In fact, most sexually active people do this from time to time
to accommodate the sexual needs of a partner. So, having sex when
you're not exactly in the mood, and having to "work up to it" are
perfectly normal, once in a while. What's NOT normal - or emotionally
healthy - is having sex when you don't want to, with someone you don't really want to knock boots with, EVER. Sure, a person CAN do this, but "can" and "should" are two very different words.
a lesbian, Gina, but you're confused because, like lots of lesbians, you like men. In fact, you can,
when worked up to it and coaxed, even achieve brief moments of physical pleasure with them. Let
me share a little secret with you: orgasms are a mechanical function of
the human body. Most women can achieve intense orgasms with a Pocket
Rocket, too, but no one wants to marry one. If you were hungry, would
you choose a bowl full of unflavored gelatine, or a Filet Mignon and
baked potato smothered in butter and sour cream from Peter Luger's?
There's a difference between filling your belly and satisfying your true
desires. Sometimes it's not a juicy bratwurst, but a plate of bearded
oysters that hits the spot.
Listen to what your dream is saying: for you, anything more than friendship with men stinks to high hell. Because you're gay.