Move Over, She's Driving

Julie Nussbaum, who made a generous donation to the relief effort in Puerto Rico, sends The Gay Agenda a two-parter:

First dream, Dan was in a car. He put it in reverse and then the car started to speed up like he was flooring it, going faster and faster until he woke up.

Second Dream. I was running through the forest and it was beautiful and green, but so hot. I looked down and was shocked to see luxurious, Elmo-red hair covering my legs and arms too. 

Julie - I'm assuming Dan is your partner/husband. The first dream is pretty self-explanatory: it reveals that you know, deep down, that sex with men is backwards, the wrong direction for you, something which is all about speed and chaos, over which you feel you have no control, and which ends abruptly, leaving you without joy. Dan driving the car symbolizes your belief that sex with men is all about men being in control, while women just sit back and let whatever happens happen. The fact that he goes "faster and faster" until he wakes up is a direct reference to the wham-bam-thank-you-man nature of heterosexual intercourse, which is all too often nothing more than some straight guy banging away, faster and faster, until he's done. This may be satisfying to the driver, but it doesn't do a hell of a lot for the passenger. It seems clear to me that you're not interested in hailing an Uber that's driving in the wrong direction, but in being a fully-fledged co-pilot on a sexual journey that moves forward at a speed with which you're comfortable. It's also obvious that having a man at the wheel just isn't cutting it: in fact, it ends up going the wrong way, being all about speed, not precision, and coming to a jarring, joyless end. In this scenario, his ride is over, but you haven't gotten anywhere. Heterosexual men are notorious for their reluctance to ask directions when they're lost. Take your next road trip with a woman: we love maps, we have no fear of asking for directions, and we're open to letting someone else take the wheel, sometimes. We also understand that making pit stops along the way is one of life's necessities, and that we'll get there when we get there. Lesbians know that getting there is half the trip.

Your second dream is about the freedom and satisfaction you anticipate if you dare act on your lesbionic impulses. You describe running through a forest. This forest represents a wondrous place you're eager to visit: the lesbian world. The entire landscape of Sapphism is new ("green") to you, but also incredibly attractive ("beautiful") and, let's face it, arousing as all hell ("so hot.") Dreams offer us a safe space in which to explore and take chances in ways we might not do in our waking hours. In this dream, you're exploring not just your sexuality (obviously gay, btw) but also your desire to break loose of patriarchal norms, even ones as basic as shaving your body hair. Your dykey, forest-running dream self isn't just letting her hair grow, but finding it luxurious - freedom of this kind can be luxurious, but only if you dare seize it during your waking hours, as well as in your dreams. 

Woman, you just came out as both a lesbian and a feminist. 

BTW, Elmo, of the luxurious hair, appreciates your support of the Puerto Rican relief effort. 

You Like It Crunchy, Indeed

For this very special edition of The Gay Agenda, Peter Kadlec, of Montpelier, Vermont,  will serve as guest expert on the human subconscious, and interpret MY dream, for a change. It's a goody.


My dream:

Two nights ago, I dreamt I was on a date with a really beautiful woman. We were in her kitchen and I volunteered to cook dinner, instead of us going out for a meal.

In the dream, I was thinking, "This is nice. I can't remember the last time I liked a woman in this way."

And then I went to the fridge to get out ingredients for dinner.

I opened the freezer, and discovered it was full of cereal boxes. Corn Flakes, to be exact.

Boxes and boxes of corn flakes - just filling the entire freezer so that, when I opened the door, it was a wall of cereal boxes.  I asked the beautiful woman, "Why is your freezer full of cereal??."

She looked at me as if I were crazy, and answered, "Because I like my corn flakes crunchy, silly."

And then, in the dream, I thought to myself, "Oh, yeah, that's right. I ONLY ever like crazy women who do irrational things."

And then I woke up.


Peter's Interpretation

Sister, please. A woman you deeply crave is showing you a closeted deep-freeze full of Corn Flakes, each box of which prominently displays a strutting, crowing cock.

That crowing signals time to wake up and let this cereal out. Your superego's reaction is one of disappointment in the irrationality of this bland, banal, and nutritionally bankrupt lifestyle. However, a little exploration will reveal something that the majority of us already know: the sublime pleasure of stuffing down three or four bowls in one sitting. Admit it: you, too, like it crunchy.

This dream is about your recent genealogical investigation and the unseen family history on your father's side that you are unconsciously avoiding. That's right: you are a Protestant. Only WASPs would be stupid enough to store cereal in a freezer. Put down your cafe con leche and mofongo, and find yourself a nice corn-fed Midwestern girl who knows her way around a tuna casserole and a tin of Campbell's mushroom soup.

Playing the Gay Card

Lisa Schamess, of Washington, D.C. writes:

"True fact: last night I dreamt you and I sat down to a meal and you drew stories for me on index cards and read them to me like I was your little sister <3. No chickens were harmed in the making of this dream."

Your dream takes place as the two of us are sitting down to a meal. This is a good sign. It signifies that the information and wisdom this dream is trying to impart is of a nourishing nature. It also points to the fact that you're hungry for some truth that eludes you during your waking hours.

In economics, an index is a statistical measure of change. The index cards in your dream, Lisa, represent change - change you desire or anticipate. Change, in and of itself could mean anything, but you've dreamt about a lesbian as the narrator or guide (the big sister to your little sister) of this change. It's interesting that you describe me in your dream as not writing stories, but drawing them. When I think about "drawing" a story, which seems more visual than word-based, I imagine creating a map. Your dream version of me isn't drawing on a sheet of paper, which would be appropriate for a map, though, but on cards. Index cards. And what are cards which use drawings to chart out change and map a person's future? Tarot cards. Let me be your sapphic gypsy sister, Lisa, and feed you a big old slice of truth about yourself for which you hunger: you're gay. You might not be acting very gay, right now, but a change is on the horizon. It's all in the cards.

Lesbian on the Halfshell

Gina T. of NJ writes:

So, last night I had a very brief sex dream. I was in a very gaudy hotel room with an old high school friend of mine. We never dated or anything. I didn't like him like that. But anyway, it was one of those moments of nothing said but understood we were gonna do it. He was in bed already, and I went to turn the light off. By the time I got into bed with him, he was ready to go and all over me. I said something along the lines of "can't we work up to it a little?" And his response was something along the lines of "well, you'll have to keep me excited then." When I finally gave him the okay, it was intense but brief. Like BRIEF. Then, I woke up. LOL And the weirdest thing was I could actually smell him in my dream. Not that he had bad odor, but he had a smell like everyone does. And I remember his. And I could smell it so vividly. So very odd.

How's that?

Gina, your dream is about you grappling with the myth that lesbians are frigid man-haters, and trying to reconcile your true sexual orientation with the genuine affection you feel towards males. You find yourself about to have intercourse with a man who you know in real life, and care about as a friend, but who you've never dated or had sexual feelings for. In the dream, he's very much into the idea of banging away, but you require coaxing because this is not where you're inclined to take this relationship.  There's nothing odd or unusual about someone agreeing to have sex with their partner when they're less than eager at that moment in time. In fact, most sexually active people do this from time to time to accommodate the sexual needs of a partner. So, having sex when you're not exactly in the mood, and having to "work up to it" are perfectly normal, once in a while. What's NOT normal - or emotionally healthy - is having sex when you don't want to, with someone you don't really want to knock boots with, EVER.  Sure, a person CAN do this, but "can" and "should" are two very different words. 

You're a lesbian, Gina, but you're confused because, like lots of lesbians,  you like men.  In fact, you can, when worked up to it and coaxed, even achieve brief moments of physical pleasure with them. Let me share a little secret with you: orgasms are a mechanical function of the human body. Most women can achieve intense orgasms with a Pocket Rocket, too, but no one wants to marry one. If you were hungry, would you choose a bowl full of unflavored gelatine, or a Filet Mignon and baked potato smothered in butter and sour cream from Peter Luger's?  There's a difference between filling your belly and satisfying your true desires.  Sometimes it's not a juicy bratwurst, but a plate of bearded oysters that hits the spot.

Listen to what your dream is saying: for you, anything more than friendship with men stinks to high hell. Because you're gay.

Take This Job and Shove It

 Lisa S., of Alabama writes:

I'm very organized in the morning, and I like to sleep until the last possible minute so everything is done the night before. Shower, lunch made, clothes laid out. In cold weather when the alarm goes off, I run outside and start the car, then get ready for work and by then the car is warm.

I had a dream where, instead of going back inside, I stayed in the car and started driving to work in my pajamas. It's a half-hour drive and I got about halfway there when I realized it and turned around to go home and get dressed.  When I got home, my husband said he needed a ride to work because his truck wouldn't start. I told him he'd have to take me to work because I was running late. We got in the car, I fell asleep, and when I woke up we were almost to his work, which is an hour away from mine. I started yelling at him because I was going to be really late to work, then I woke up. Interpretation?


This dream revolves around your real-life morning ritual, which goes off course. Rituals are often things we carry out not because we truly want to or are sincere, but because we're used to them, and their expected from us. You've clearly been going through the motions and going about business-as-usual for a long time, and have reached a point where that ritualistic behavior, and the business of doing what's expected of you, are no longer satisfying to you. This is scary to you, which is why, in the dream, you turn back to try and get your usual ritual back on track. Rituals, you see, offer us safety and stability - even when they're not good for us, they're familiar and safe, because they don't rock the boat.

In your dream, your effort to finally get to work on time is interrupted by your husband who suddenly needs a ride and, interestingly, does the driving, even though it's your car.


Let's cut to the chase: you're really gay.

It's not really your job you're worried about getting to, it's your sexual identity - that of a lesbian.  
For far too long, you've been putting on the costume of a good, heterosexual woman...but you've reached a point in life where you ask yourself if you're doing the right thing, and harboring a grudge against your husband who you perceive as putting his own needs before your own. Notice in the dream how he takes over the situation to such an extent  that he's driving your car? Not only does he take the wheel, but he lets you sleep past your destination. You lash out at your husband in the dream, and blame him for your lateness. But it's not really lateness to your work you're worried about. You're worried that you've waited this long to face your own lesbionic tendencies, and blaming your husband for keeping you in the heterosexual nightmare of a life you've been living.