Ten Percent Bent

Julia Perce, of Woodstock, NY writes:

"I was concentrating REALLY hard on bending a fork. And this woman's toy poodle just would NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP. It felt like a stress dream."

The fork represents your sexuality, and I don't think you're trying to bend it so much as UNbend it. The toy poodle - a little ball of fur belonging to a woman - is clearly a representation of female genitalia, and she's fairly screaming out to you. Go ahead: focus all the energy you can muster on making that fork bend the way you wish it would, but there's no escaping the fact that the call of vagina is fairly ringing in your ears, diverting you from this fool's errand. You're gay, Julia, like an estimated ten percent of the population, and no amount of effort is going to change this. You can try, but you won't succeed. You can't de-gay yourself any more than you can bend flatware, so why even stress it, at all? Didn't anyone tell you Uri Geller was a fraudster?

Playing the Gay Card

Lisa Schamess, of Washington, D.C. writes:

"True fact: last night I dreamt you and I sat down to a meal and you drew stories for me on index cards and read them to me like I was your little sister <3. No chickens were harmed in the making of this dream."

Your dream takes place as the two of us are sitting down to a meal. This is a good sign. It signifies that the information and wisdom this dream is trying to impart is of a nourishing nature. It also points to the fact that you're hungry for some truth that eludes you during your waking hours.

In economics, an index is a statistical measure of change. The index cards in your dream, Lisa, represent change - change you desire or anticipate. Change, in and of itself could mean anything, but you've dreamt about a lesbian as the narrator or guide (the big sister to your little sister) of this change. It's interesting that you describe me in your dream as not writing stories, but drawing them. When I think about "drawing" a story, which seems more visual than word-based, I imagine creating a map. Your dream version of me isn't drawing on a sheet of paper, which would be appropriate for a map, though, but on cards. Index cards. And what are cards which use drawings to chart out change and map a person's future? Tarot cards. Let me be your sapphic gypsy sister, Lisa, and feed you a big old slice of truth about yourself for which you hunger: you're gay. You might not be acting very gay, right now, but a change is on the horizon. It's all in the cards.

Cry Fowl, And Let Loose the Seven Sisters

After a long hiatus, The Gay Agenda is back with two short-but-sweet dream interpretations. Send those dreams, and I'll do my best to tell you how gay you are.

Bernard B., of Boulder Colorado posts: 

"Dreamt of chicken. Woke up to no chicken. :( "

Beebs, do you even know the difference between a chicken and a rooster? Your dream is clearly about COCK. Imagine your disappointment to wake up from such a blissful, homoerotic dream, and find yourself still stuck living a heterosexual lie! Dude, you are totally gay. My advice to you is: avoid Chick Fil A. 

Tamara R.B.O., of  Stratham, New Hampshire, writes:

"I dreamt of Mother Theresa and waiting tables at a college dining hall."

First off, Tamara, I suggest you buy a copy of "Lesbian Nuns: Breaking The Silence." You think priests are the only ones who take vows of chastity to avoid outing themselves as queer? Everyone knows that "nun" is, as often as not, Catholic for "lesbian." Your dream is a clarion call - a call to service. While Mother Theresa was called upon to take care of lepers and starving children, though, your calling is of a more carnal nature. A dream about a college dining hall? From a New England girl like you? Higher education means one thing, when you're north of Yonkers: LESBIANS. 

Your dream indicates that you are not only gay, but a bottom in search of a top: like Mother Theresa, you yearn to serve, and serve humbly. Get yourself over to Northampton, and find yourself a butch top. Smith and Hampshire are teeming with them.